Work Sucks (Sometimes)

There’s an obvious form of toxic positivity - that cartoonish “good vibes only!” nonsense we all mock. But the subtler form does far more damage: the cultural pressure to be upbeat about work all the time, no matter what’s actually happening.

This is the kind of positivity that shuts people up, not lifts them up. It masquerades as motivation but functions as emotional gaslighting.

If you want a genuinely healthy, resilient team, you don’t get there by insisting everyone feel good. You get there by acknowledging when things feel bad - and showing people they’re allowed to be human.

The Happy NASA Janitor Myth

You’ve probably heard the story: Kennedy asks a NASA janitor what he does for work and the janitor proudly replies, “I’m helping put a man on the moon.”

It’s a great story.

It’s also apocryphal at best and tasteless at worst.

There is evidence that minorities were over-represented in lower-status roles at NASA during the early space programme, including janitorial and grounds-keeping jobs. These jobs were physically demanding, low-paid, and undervalued.

This myth gets weaponised to imply that everyone should feel overjoyed to do unpleasant labour as long as it indirectly contributes to a noble mission. It also, conceitedly, implies that putting a man on the moon is fundamentally more important and meaningful than cleaning or maintenance, which is a debate I’d love to have if anybody’s interested!

Let’s clarify something: being part of the mission doesn’t magically make cleaning other people’s bodily fluids enjoyable.

You can absolutely believe in the space program and equally disenjoy mopping scientist pee off the floor for the fourth time in a day. That doesn’t make you ungrateful, that makes you a normal person.

Your frustration, fatigue, annoyance? Those are normal reactions to difficult, repetitive, thankless work. Romanticising that away is disrespectful. Worse, it teaches people they should feel happy doing things very few people reasonably enjoy.

That’s toxic positivity. And it’s not noble - it’s delusional.

If You Don’t Love It, Leave

There’s another flavour of toxic positivity that shows up when leaders get uncomfortable with complaints. Some people do complain constantly, and in genuinely non-constructive ways - fine. Deal with them as individuals. Every leader needs to have the spine to handle these conversations¹.

But when a leader can’t or won’t, they tend to default to blanket rhetoric like:

If you don’t love it here, then just leave.

This is organisational jingoism. Pure and simple. It functions like a corporate loyalty oath: “Only happy soldiers allowed.”

It’s also a brilliant way to:

discourage speaking up
suppress feedback
conflate honesty with negativity
make people think their feelings are dangerous

When you shut down all complaining, you shut down all truth-telling. And as a leader, you’ve just taught your team that maintaining your emotional comfort is more important than fixing real problems.

Sometimes work sucks. Sometimes things break. Sometimes the system is wrong, not the worker.

People are not wrong for feeling tired, annoyed, stressed, or disappointed. That’s just how work feels sometimes, and they need the space to say so.

A Happy Little Cog

In large companies, people will periodically feel like cogs in a machine. Because - brace yourself - sometimes they are.

Even the CEO has bosses - investors clamoring for growth, colleagues vying for power, staff pushing for greater pay and benefits, and so on. There are cogs up, down and all around. If you’re a ground level employee, don’t make the mistake of thinking the CEO isn’t also a cog, some days - and recognise that you, at least, generally only have other cogs pushing on you from one direction.

The problem isn’t the feeling, the problem is how leaders sometimes respond to the feeling: “We’re all owners! Be positive! Grow your influence! Push back!” I’m guilty of this very rhetoric myself. It’s well intentioned, but it misses the mark.

Here’s a better response: “Yeah, some days feel like that. It sucks. I get it. I hope tomorrow’s better. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”

Nine times out of ten, that’s enough. Most negative emotions aren’t asking to be fixed - they’re just asking to be acknowledged.

Call Feelings By Their Name

There’s a body of research on the simple act of naming what someone is feeling. If you’re familiar with demonology (aren’t we all?) then you might know that the way to control a demon is to call it by its true name. Emotions work somewhat the same, and I’d be surprised if this little feature of demonic myth isn’t talking about this exact thing we now call “affect labelling”.

Turns out, when you label a negative emotion - “That sounds frustrating,” “Yeah, that’s disappointing,” “I can see why you’re angry” - the emotional intensity drops. People calm down, they are able to regain perspective, and all without breaking out the pom poms or the apocryphal NASA mop bucket, either.

The trick isn’t to solve the emotion, or to argue with it. The trick is to recognise it, validate it, and normalise it. Telling another person you understand their feeling and that many others have or do feel it too is the very perspective they’re looking for, much of the time.

You can try it the next time someone vents to you:

Recognise it. Label the emotion, “wow, that sucks!”
Validate it. Tell them it’s reasonable to feel this way, “that’s totally understandable”.
Normalise it. Tell them they’re not alone, “I feel like that some days, too”.
Offer help. If you can, offer help, “let me know if there’s anything I can do”.

Then watch how much faster they settle. This is the opposite of toxic positivity - it’s honest positivity - the kind that comes from reality, not denial.

If you are in a position to do so, you should also incorporate this as feedback and learning to help improve whatever part of the organisation is causing these feelings - but even if you can’t, or can’t right away, the least you can do is acknowledge it.

The worst thing you can do is label this person as negative, or otherwise shame or exclude them for “not being a team player” or whatever other BS.

Honesty Trumps Happiness

Toxic positivity can make workplaces quieter, but not safer. It replaces honesty with forced cheerfulness. It teaches people that their natural human reactions are flaws.

If you want psychological safety, you don’t get it by policing moods - you get it by building a culture where negative emotions are allowed to surface without punishment.

When people can say “I’m stressed,” “I’m worried,” or “Today I feel like a cog,” - they don’t spiral alone in silence. Silence erodes culture.

You don’t need to fix everything.
You don’t need to make them love their job.
You don’t need to force optimism into every crack.

You just need to acknowledge what’s real - and what’s real is work sucks (sometimes).

And, ironically, being able to say this and talk about it is what actually creates and maintains a positive company culture.

One of my pet peeves is a manager who will handle an individual’s problem by addressing the group instead of speaking with the person directly about their behaviour. If you are this manager, you are hurting your team - time to up-skill. Perhaps find a therapist who specalises in assertiveness and conflict resolution. ↩